Crisp Salad Greens (CSG)-- our Brand Name is launched

We Promote did it up really big. They invited a selected list of Grocers to a swank hotel and laid it on thick. The words “Crisp Salad Greens” were emblazoned across the wall behind the banquet table, which was laden with hors d’ouvres made in heaven and lots of bowls of the finest Lettuce our glasshouses can grow.

A variety of Paul Newman’s Own salad dressings—the smallish bottles—offered a choice to everyone.

A side table was devoted to our Herb selection, and another to displaying the healthiest, most robust heads of Pak Choi most people have ever seen. Chuck manned the Herb table, offering tasty tidbits to potential customers and handing out free recipe books.

Wendy and Ernie buzzed about enthusing about our produce and repeating our Brand name every chance they got. After all this was our Brand Name launch and the first step in making sure that Crisp Salad Greens will become a household name by 2008, at least in these parts.

I was busy pouring Champagne in crystal glasses and offering small iced bowls of strawberries with cream to anyone who looked interested. The bartender we hired for the occasion called in sick at the last minute, so we decided to stick to bubbly only, no mixed drinks this time.

Grocers are a straight nosed bunch anyway, they get up at the crack of dawn to buy their produce at wholesale markets and work into the late hours keeping their books up to date.

Were most of them impressed by the presentation? They liked the mixed salads and finished off all the canapés, but the order forms we handed out were slow in coming back to us. I drew Wendy aside to figure out her thinking as to why this was happening.

“Most grocers are either first or second generation immigrants,” explained Wendy. They are extremely cautious where hype is concerned. But you do have excellent produce, so don’t worry, we’ll get more forms mailed to us after they ponder how much to order overnight.”

“Instead of trusting them to mail the forms,” I asked, “why don’t we send a rep around tomorrow to all the businesses that attended today’s function as a reminder to fill out their orders and to pick up the forms themselves.”

Wendy, Ernie, and Chuck thought that was an excellent idea, and I was “volunteered” to drive around, starting early in the morning. (Whenever I open my big mouth, I get stuck with the joe jobs.)

Next to the Champagne table, we had a special display about Advanced Nutrients and their products. Ernie believes in this company so much, that he insisted we do this. Among large containers of Micro and Grow, artistically arranged by Wendy, were strewn colorful English daisies and bunches of Basil, Oregano, and Red Leafed Sorrel.

Smaller containers of Scorpion Juice, Piranha, Tarantula, and Voodoo Juice lined a side shelf and we received plenty of questions asking us to explain these exotic names. We had to reassure them that no carnivorous fish nor poisonous spiders were involved in making these products.

“How do you get your Lettuce so crispy?” asked one elderly grocer, and I showed him a container of Sensi Cal Mg Grow and explained that the added Calcium ensured the crunchiness of not just our Lettuce, but also our Pak Choi. Since the gentleman was Asian, he looked most interested.

“How do you make sure that all your Butter Lettuce tastes so sweet?” asked a lady in a honey yellow dress. “Glad you asked,” said I, being the closest to the Advanced Nutrients display. I picked up a container of Sweet Leaf and explained that the berry sugars and molasses is this product permeate the leaves of our lettuce.

“We also don’t allow it to bolt,” I added, since everyone knows that bolting Lettuce tastes bitter. “Why don’t you grow 100% organic?” a younger woman asked. I patiently explained that for our hydroponic setup, synthetic nutrients were more practical (they don’t clog up the pipes), but that we do add an organic touch by using such AN products as Mother Earth Super Tea Grow, Humic Acid, and Fulvic Acid.

The latter two are derived from an organic substance known as “Leonardite” that is mined from the top of coal beds deep within the earth. “This stuff has calcified,” I explained, “but still contains the organic ingredients to turn a hydroponic nutrient pond into a fertile, humus-like environment.”

Mother Earth Super Tea is brewed using Alfalfa Extract, Canola, Fish, Crab, and Shrimp Meal, Citric Acid, Earthworm Castings, and Sea Kelp. It provides that loving, organic touch, that synthetics need in order to provide full spectrum nourishment for our Crisp Salad Greens.

Now all we need is a catchy theme song that people could whistle while they’re buying our produce at their neighborhood market.